the following paragraphs express my opinions on some really lame characters in the star wars universe. in no way am i saying that my opinions are right(even though they are) or that the ewoks really suck(they do). it is strictly my opinion. i will agree, they did save all of our heroes, and if it wasn't for them, the rebellion would have been pretty screwed, but they still sucked big time. the whole idea of jedi is very convincing; a primitive society overpowering an extremely high-tech society. but the way it's presented in the movie isn't good enough for me to accept that a bunch of puny, ugly, smelly, goofy-looking furballs could defeat the empire. i do realize that stormtroopers couldn't shoot a damn thing, but there's so many of them that a few ewoks with small rocks couldn't have much effect on them. and what's this bull shit with everyone saying that the stormtroopers can't shoot anything because they're clones? haven't you ever heard of something called the movies? bad guys can't aim.

but anyway, that's one of the reasons i hate them. the other reason is that they were originally supposed to be wookies. that would have been so much cooler. but no, george needed something that would appeal to the younger audience that would buy the ugly stuffed animals and all the other crap with ewoks on them. that's all the ewoks became, some stupid commercialized thing. and that, my friends, is why they suck as much as they do. the biggest reason they appear in jedi is because of money, not because someone felt that they really should be in the trilogy. what good is that? yup, that's what i thought...

and they really aren't that cute. have you taken a close look at some of them? first of all, they obviously don't have dentists. and did anyone think it was wierd that they were about to eat our wonderful heroes until c-3po(luke) stopped them? they're savages. oh sure, they're cute, so what if they were going to eat a couple of people.

jar jar binks isn't any better. yup, i'm joining the bandwagon for bashing him, but i've been doing it since the beginning. just ask my friends, they hate me. but anyway, who cares. i think jar jar is just as commercial as the ewoks. you can read some of my comments on him in my review of the phantom anus.

can you spot jar jar in this picture?


and who wants to make a bet that george is going to fuck up episodes 2 and 3? do you think that after the travesty seen in the phantom menace that there's hope for the next 2 to not be completely lame? as it is, boba fagg and his pops are playing way too much of a role. he is going to be the target of many articles on this site, because he is easily one of the most worthless characters in the star wars universe. so far, abe has already written a nice little article on him. mine's coming shortly. I have way too many bad things to say about him to just start writing...