written by contributing asshole abe

Judgement is Here

I have given Boba Fett a much deserved beating. I have smacked around Jango Fett, which I must admit has left me a bit unsatisfied. It was like beating the cripple kid up on the school playground… isn’t giving spawn to Boba Fett enough punishment. So I trashed the dynamic duo, given two of the biggest icon is the SW universe the ass raping they deserve… but I am unfulfilled… my blood lust has not be satiated.

Then I realize that’s because its not Boba Fett’s or Jango Fett’s fault they suck. They are just puppets of a truly corrupt and evil overlord… The Expanded Universe.

You see it wasn’t the movies that turned Boba Fett to the unless moron that he is today. The movies gave just enough info to make him interesting, kept his part small, he was just interesting background. It was the Expanded Universe that turned or innocent bounty hunter to the biggest drugged up whore in the entire galaxy. Boba Fett has been pimped out to authors who only desires are to make money of the stupid rabid fandom of the SW universe. Toy companies have molested Boba, and his mind ripped apart by merchandisers. Boba Fett has been left beaten and used huddled in a corner whimpering “please, please just leave me alone.”

But alas poor Boba they won’t stop, they will sup off you until nothing is left. They will cut you open and bleed you into a thousand variant action figures. Use your skin for napkins, paper plates, and costumes. And when you get boring and old, they aren’t worried, they have no need to save you, for waiting in the wings is Jango Fett. Another character to write thousands of more stupid pointless stories about. Another character to ruin by giving them a silly and stupid past.

But even though I hate them I will try and save them. For I must attempt to save them if there is any chance at saving Star Wars from over commercialization Star Trek hell.

So all you fan boys out there beware, I am coming to save you from yourselves. I am starting the Spanish inquisition of the Star Wars Universe. There is only one CANON and that is the movies. The rest is pagan, trite, heathen, blasphemous bullshit. And its time to get it expunged from this world. The Inquisition is coming and we’re gonna be ass kicking, EU burning, mother fuckers and there is no where to hide.

Be afraid fan boy… be afraid.