RANDOM STUFF THAT ANNOYS ME

by Lois Kobb

I hate the movie, Titanic. I've never even seen it, but I still hate it. What was the point behind this movie? Are there really that many people in the world who don't know how the story ends? It's about a famous ship that ran into an iceberg--how the hell do people THINK it's supposed to end? For shit's sake, let it DIE, already. It happened ages ago, long before any of us were even born. Nobody cares about the people who died on that ship because they were a bunch of spoiled assholes who had nothing better to do with their money than waste it on a stupid cruise in ice-infested water. How lame is that? They deserve to be dead. If you're going on a cruise, at least make sure it won't be going through Iceberg Hell.

Cell phones suck. I don't have one, but I know they suck because most of the people who have them suck; therefore, it follows that cell phones suck, too. People with cell phones need to be caned. I hate them, always yakking away no matter where they are or what they're doing, even when the conversation is shit and not worth wasting perfectly good air molecules. They come up to the register where I work, and they're yakking away. I ring up their purchase, they're still talking. I hand them their change, and they STILL haven't stopped talking! SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!! Nobody wants to hear your lame-ass conversation with your stupid kids or your worthless spouse. Nobody likes you or wants to put up with your garbage, so just shut your damn noisehole. Nothing is so important that you can't talk about it in the privacy of your own home.

Jehovah's Witnesses are Satan's little helpers. Their very existence annoys me. What the hell do they think they're trying to achieve? Do they truly believe that going from house to house, bothering people who are busy with more important things, will win converts to their religion? Do they really think they're making a good impression on anybody? Well, they're not. Nobody likes them, nobody wants them around, and they should be outlawed forever, along with telemarketers and Celine Dion music. Sometimes these pervs actually bring their children along for the trip. Oh, that's nice. Force your toddlers to dress up in hot, uncomfortable clothing and drag them around strange neighborhoods in the blistering mid-summer heat. Damn freaks. Maybe they'll all die of heat stroke and we won't be bothered by them anymore.

Wal-Mart is a sucky place to shop. It's not enough that they have that stupid in-store music blaring from on high; it's not enough that the morons who go to the electronics section just can't resist blasting the stereos at every opportunity; they now have televisions suspended from the ceiling, showing non-stop WankerMart bullshit every time you go in there. Who needs this? Who watches TV when they do their shopping? Wal-Mart commercials suck when they're on MY television, I sure don't want to go to the store and be assaulted by them there, as well.

And what's so great about in-store music in the first place? Nobody goes to a store to hear music, they go there to get necessities. Is the allegedly soothing music supposed to make us feel better about everything being so damned expensive? Sometimes the music is so horrible that I leave the store as quickly as possible just to get away from it, which would seem to be the opposite of what the manager is trying to accomplish.

My cat annoys me. Always begging for food when he already weighs 18 pounds...jeez. Stupid cat. I know some Chinese restaurants that would love him....

People with patriotic bumper stickers and flags in their windows and T-shirts that say dopey stuff like "These colors don't run"....they're boring and hypocritical. Where were they before the events of Sept. 11, 2001? Didn't see any flag stickers then. Now, all of a sudden, they're the world's greatest patriots? Yeah, you all look SOOOO patriotic, driving in your Japanese cars and wearing designer clothes made in Bangladesh, Taiwan, and Sri Lanka. Let's all just admit that this whole phony patriotic movement is just another marketing gimmick for every corporation under the sun, who stick flags all over everything to try and prove how American they are while selling us shit that's made every place except America.

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Lois =^..^=