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welcome to my review of the phantom anus. this review was written on the 18th after the late night release of the movie and seeing it in the morning again. be warned, it was a shitty movie...
Ok. so where do I begin to discuss this new video game showcasing every bit of eye candy that ILM can digitally create? I'll admit, overall this is a very fun movie. But the book is a hundred times better! Don't read it before going to the movie if you want the movie to look good! There's so much more in the book that should be in the movie. And, there's a few lame things that are in the movie that aren't in the book and don't need to be in the movie. Don't worry, I won't bother bashing Jar Jar here. Let's just say that he's the new ewok, the commercial character in the movie that will get George all his money in merchandise. He has nothing to do with the story. He's completely unecessary as a character. There, that's it.
I went to see this movie at 3am on Tues night/Wed morn, and I came out a little disappointed. The thing that really pissed me off is the voices they gave to the Nemoidians. A cross between a bad Asian accent and an Italian accent. Not cool. Also, wasn't it great struggling to understand what Jar Jar and his STUPID people were trying to say? (that's the last time!) I've talked to many people already that said that they just ignored it when Jar Jar would speak because they had no idea what he was saying and they didn't want to miss anything good trying to figure out what he was saying. I felt the same way about the Gungans and the Nemoidians.
After a nap for a couple of hours, I went back to the theater to catch the noon showing and I was a little happier with it. I came
in there again ready to have fun and not take this movie seriously. I think that's the only way to fully enjoy this movie as a Star Wars movie. It's made for 12 year olds, Lucas said that himself, so go in there thinking like a 12 year old! But if you don't, here's some other things that might bother you...
There are MANY holes in the plot. In the book, everything's explained. In the movie, Lucas skips the scenes that explain everything and tries to cut straight to the action. A lot of the feel of the characters and their relationships with each other is missed by doing this. The fact that Anakin is the only human that can fly the pods makes so much more sense in the book. You don't really get much of an understanding of his sense of the Force in the movie. Also, the relationship between him and Amidala/Padme is explained more in the book. In the movie, it's very random when all of a sudden, Amidala says that no matter what happens, she will still care for him. Well great! But where does that come from?
What's the deal with that scene in the beginning where Qui Gon and Obi escape the destroyer droids by blurring down the hallway? That was dumb. So why didn't Obi do that to get to Qui Gon when they got split up by the energy walls? He could've gotten to him if he wanted. That's my only complaint about the fight at the end. The fight on Tatooine could use a little work. Maul looked too skinny and too fast in that first shot of him jumping off the speeder. And in the book, Maul makes it on the ramp with Qui for a bit before the ship is able to take off.
There's another problem. Maul is becoming the new Boba Fett, a kind of cool looking character that has 2 lines in the movie. He's the new favorite everywhere. Gee, let's see another person with Maul paint on their face at the theaters. How many people saw anything but that? He's a cool character, but people are going to get the same way they did about Boba and try to bring him back too. And Boba won't look as cool once there's thousands of him running around in the next movie! They're both dead. DEAL WITH IT!
I could keep going all day...but I won't. Let me give you some advice if you haven't yet seen the movie. Go in there knowing that this is just the lame kids version of the introduction to the rest of the story. This movie doesn't mean anything, except to make money from 12 year olds buying up Jar Jar. Save your excitement for Episode 2, and go into this one knowing that it's just the beginning. There will be better movies! Let's just hope that Anakin grows out of his lame phase, the Nemoidians get speach lessons, and Jar Jar stays home to make an ass of himself with his people. Because most of the characters in this movie don't have a place in any of the cool stuff that's going to happen later.
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